oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
