I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
