true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
