Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
