hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What changed your mind?
Being sober
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize