Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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