dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
