I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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