I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
