he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
