Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
