i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize