She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
