paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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