Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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