TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
