My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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