so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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