shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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