Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
