all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
