Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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