oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
