the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
