I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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