You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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