his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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