My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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