Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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