I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dignity is for republicans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
