I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
