Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
