I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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