capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
