I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize