its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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