I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
