It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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