I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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