I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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