I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
