Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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