found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you would pick up someone in the library
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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