My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
