i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
