meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
