Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
