you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
