she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
