i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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