the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
