The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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