So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
