Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
