just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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