forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
