i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
