No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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