I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
