I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
