Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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