remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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