Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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