tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
