yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
