So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
