my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was born a porn star she said
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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