I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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