It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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